A Bittersweet Moment

I have been thinking a lot lately about this post and whether to even share it or not but it has been a big thing for me and I have decided that I wanted to have it recorded here for me to look back on.  I don't normally post here about personal stuff but the last few months of 2011 haven't been fantastic for me health wise.  Since Miss M was born I have been having intermittent joint pain and in April I went to see a rheumatologist who diagnosed rheumatoid arthritis.  At that stage things were ok but as the year went on things progressed quickly and by Dec after many rounds of steroids and many weeks of pain, weakness and general discomfort I was back at the specialist again.  This time he has put me onto long term medication which has been a blessing and a curse for me.  On the one hand once the meds kick in over the next 3 months or so I should once again be symptom free, woohoo.
While I wouldn't say I have been crippled by this disease things have been pretty difficult when the flares are bad, especially first thing in the morning which of course is one of the busiest times of the day with young children.  The thought of being able to move about freely in the morning, lift Miss M out of her cot with ease, undo the clips on her highchair, dress her and get the kids out of their carseats again is what keeps me going.  There is however a downside to all this.  The meds I have been put on have meant that I have had to stop feeding Miss M.  I know she is a lot older now than many children are when they wean, that she has had a fantastic start and is a fit and healthy wee girl, but I still feel sad that the decision of when to stop feeding was taken out of our hands.  However when weighing up all the pros and cons a mummy who could spend quality time playing with the children was more important in the long term.
So for me more than anything here is a pic of Miss M's last ever feed.  This was a week before christmas and Mr A was quite upset to hear that this would mean Miss M couldn't even have a special feed for christmas, he is such a sweetheart.

A special bond that won't be broken, I love you Miss M.